Generally Discontent

Where are the updates!?

The answer is: in my head and on my computer! I've been so lazy when it comes to computing since I got to Maryland, as you can clearly tell. But I have good news! I just saved a bunch of money by swtiching my car insurance to- uh. I mean, I'm uploading pictures! And I will have some actual new entries very soon, like tonight or tomorrow or something. Also, the map view thing is still fucky, but that'll take some time to figure out.

Anyway, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, I haven't been online much, mostly due to the fact that the neighbor's wireless connection is a piece of shit (the nerve, huh?) and I can't seem to get a stable connection when plugged into the router for some reason, but I've also been just farting around with Vani during the days, and Vani and Jay in the evening, playing board games, video games, watching teevee, smoking, drinking, etc. Relaxing, having a great time.

Tuesday night, I went with them to their pool night, tournament stuff, at this warehouse-turned-poolhall that so happens to be near a poo processing plant and a Wal-Mart, go figure. I won't talk much about the clientele, since I'm getting pretty used to the NASCAR crowd, but I do have to say that there were some fucking awesome mullets floating around, bobbing to the seemingly never ending onslaught of Bon Jovi and Rush rumbling through the speakers...

I sat on the bleacher seats while the team played their rivals, and it was pretty interesting despite my not knowing a whole lot about tournament pool. But the rules didn't seem so different from when I've played with my friends. Things were going well, though Vani was still trying to recover from being sick and wasn't feeling up to playing. She was hoping to take off early, but then disaster struck! Or, well, whining struck. Some of the team was being difficult, wanted to play earlier so they could leave earlier, giving Captain Vani a hard time. It was sorta awkward, me sitting there chomping on too-expensive chicken fingers and fries, but there wasn't much I could do. In the end, the team did okay though they had to forfeit the last game, and another day ended.

One good conversation during my time there, between two guys on the platform of pool tables behind me, was about wrestling and Nikolai Volkoff. One guy was saying that the evil Russian was at a "Check-Slow-Vak" festival, since he was in fact a Check-Slow-Vak. I dunno, but it sounded funny. I'm easily amused.

We've been spending the rest of the week hanging around, Vani getting better and Jay getting sick. I felt a bit sick last night, but I think I'm okay now. Vani kicked my ass at Scrabble and kicked both our asses at Monopoly, but I'm pretty sure that's because she's a no-good dirty cheater, or she might be a robot. I will investigate further and report back here.

And then there are animals. I saw deer hanging around on the back lawn, chomping on grass. And there are lots of cool birds floating around, hawks and bluejays and supposedly vultures! And finally, I've been really bonding with Mouse the parakeet. Or, well, she pooped on me, so I guess that's cool. I'm thinking when I settle wherever I settle, I'll get me a birdie. They're pretty friggin' funny and provide hours of entertainment.

That's it for now... Feeling a little displaced since I have no clear idea on where I am exactly aside from "north of Baltimore". But that's not so bad, since I'm in a nice place. Tonight we're going out to booze it up and play pool and stuff, so I'll have something else to write about!

Also, people in the South: stay safe from Wilma!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 06:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Holy shit, I'm in Maryland! Let's see what Answers.com has to say about Maryland.

A state of the east-central United States. It was admitted as one of the original Thirteen Colonies in 1788. The colony was founded by Lord Baltimore in 1634 as a refuge for English Roman Catholics. Annapolis is the capital and Baltimore the largest city. Population: 5,550,000.

Well, that's interesting. Anyway, here I am in the Old Line State (whatever the hell that means), ready to start doing more Southerly things, such as bailing hay and milking cows, even if I'm not really in the South exactly. And I don't see any cows anywhere, though I suppose I could try milking Vani's parakeet. Not sure if anyone involved would enjoy that, though.

So yeah, we got back from the Travel Plaza and I dropped my stuff off. Vani and Jay live in a really nifty townhouse overlooking a really nifty valley full of really nifty trees and stuff. I like it a lot. After getting situated, we headed out for a local bar, where again I was confronted with NASCAR. But again, I'm heading south now so I guess I'll just have to get used to it. It's not easy being a member of high-class Northern society, but I try.

We got there and I met a few of Vani and Jay's pool-playing buddies, then we sat down to drink many beers and smoke many cigarettes (Maryland hasn't banned smoking in bars yet, so I now love Maryland). We were also promised the musically stylings of a band called Tripwire, and I've been a huge fan of theirs since before they got big, so I was pretty psyched. After awhile, another pool-playing buddy, Susan, showed up and she gave me a hug, which is apparently customary in Trinidad, where she's from. So that was pretty cool.

Drinking and chatting and smoking and eating, it was a nice introduction to Maryland and I was feeling very comfortable and not at all bothered by the fact that I am now hundreds of miles from home and whatnot. Then Tripwire came on and the place started rockin'! From the woman with the big hair dancing the same dance to every song to the drunken meathead proclaiming that he likes ten year old boys in the bathroom, I'm surprised the whole place didn't crash down to its foundations due to an explosion of awesomeness.

Um. Tripwire wasn't that great. Well, the lead singer did a fair job at singing their cover tunes, but the drummer was crapalicious, and their rendition of Crazy Train was particularly painful. But I can't really complain, since I was having a great time. Vani and Jay really made me feel at home, and I can't say how much I appreciate that.

After drinking enough, we headed back to the house and watched teeve for a bit, and I was properly introduced to Mouse the parakeet. She's a cute little thing, and pretty funny when she spots a mirror and attempts to poke and dance at the bird on the other side of the glass. Then Vani and I hung out on the deck, smoking and talking, and then everyone went to bed and she had some kind of allergic reaction or something and got sick THE END!

And now today, I'm farting around, trying to take advantage of the few weak wireless signals bouncing around the neighborhood, and watching Stargate SG-1. And uh, I can't think of a good way to end this, so there.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Travel Tip #43242: When you get change, spend it as fast as possible. It's amazing how many coins I've amassed in the last month. I fortunately put a big dent in my change collection when I had to pay for my last ticket to Boston, but I came away from Jeremy's place with even MORE change, and I hadn't spent any money in days! Maybe I have a magic penny or something, some spell that multiplies my money. That'd be pretty awesome, if I could convince the magic penny to multiply into bills, or maybe the magic penny has some sort of direct deposit policy or something. All I know, even an extra pound or two in my backpack makes a difference, and that fucker is heavy enough as it is.

I'm now officially out of Connecticut and on my way to Maryland. Riding through New Jersey right now, and it's as lovely and whimsical as I remember it. Yesterday, I packed my shit up at Jeremy's (and didn't do lewd things in his vegetable crisper as I had pondered - they were too nice) and then Jamie picked me up. The plan was: I'd go with Jamie and Andrea to some band playing somewhere, then I'd crash at their place and would get a ride to the bus depot the next day. And I'm happy to say that that's exactly what happened!

So we went to this place called Quality Time, which sounds about as gay as you can get, but it was really just a townie hangout, complete with NASCAR posters and a car hood with the Coors Light logo painted on it nailed to the ceiling. But that's not to say it was a bad place in any way. It was pretty decent, and had dart boards, so it was okay in my book.

What it also had was a batshit insane bartender! Or, well, maybe she was just a little loopy, I dunno. She seemed to have an attention span that would last to about "Can I have a bottle of-" before she became distracted by some glittering object. The reason she seemed nuts is probably because she was one of those people who like to joke around but don't let anyone else know they're joking around. That is to say, nothing in her mannerisms or facial expressions gave away that she was joking around. So she would act weird or offended or something, and you're left staring at her for ten seconds until she realizes that you didn't get her joke and so she then looks at you like you're nuts.

Uh, okay, I guess I didn't get a chance to really get to know this person, I'm just saying she reminded me of the type of person I just described and...ehh...okay, never mind.

The point is, we played darts and got drunk! Or I did, anyway. And it was good. The band was good too, an Irish duo that sounded strangely like They Might Be Giants. Actually, they could have been They Might Be Giants and I wouldn't have noticed. But I guess they were Andrea's friend's sister's cousin's father-in-law's brother's uncle's dentist's friends, so I guess they probably wouldn't be They Might Be Giants. I have nothing to base that on, though. All celebrities gotta be related to someone, after all.

Anyway. Drove back to the house in the torrential rain that WON'T FUCKING STOP, farted around, then off to bed. And I had to say bye to them again today, which sucked. But it was good to at least have a drunken send off. And now I'm on the bus. The second bus, that is.

How was the first bus, you ask? Oh, thank you for your concern! It was quite shitty! Rather, the bus driver, who I will refer to as Rufus for lack of a better name, was shitty. Rufus stood there on his cell phone while he tore tickets, then waved people this way and that, as if we were annoying him. Then, when he finally got on the bus ten minutes late, he didn't do the customary "Welcome to Peter Pan Bus Lines, my name is Rufus and we'll be heading to New York and be there at 2:45. There is a restroom in the back, no smoking, don't talk too loud on your cell phones, do not remove tag from mattress, your mileage may vary, blah blah blah." thing that most bus drivers do. Not that that stuff is necessary, but he sure didn't give the impression that he enjoyed driving a bunch of smelly people on a bus for a bazillion hours a day. I mean, the nerve of some people, know what I mean?

Anyway, fine, he's a little antisocial. Whatever. But then Rufus' lack of customer service skills really had its time to shine when we got to New Haven. Apparently we were stopping so folks who were connecting to the Amtrak line could get off. But all Rufus said was, "This stop is for everyone continuing on from here on the-" and then he shut his intercom off and left the bus. This led to 90% of the people on the bus to get off and eventually figure out that they weren't supposed to. Watching Rufus from the bus window, it was clear that he didn't really care if there was no one on the bus when he got back on. I might be so bold as to say that Rufus was the most apathetic bus driver I have ever seen. But he wasn't finished with his ass sucking. Rufus still had to get us to New York, after all.

And he did, eventually, fifteen minutes late after a strange and convoluted bus ride through Harlem and about a thousand other various neighborhoods of New York City. We finally made it to the Port Authority, where everyone shambled off the bus and Rufus stood outside staring at some indeterminate point in space. I didn't realize until later that Rufus had also failed to give the good-bye speech, which included such precious information as "If you're continuing on to Baltimore, please go to Gate 74".

My ticket said "Boarding #9", which usually means Gate 9. But after having a smoke, calling Vani, and remember just how frickin' huge NYC is (and sorta wishing I had planned on staying for a couple of days, but oh well), I staggered up and down escalators trying to find Gate 9. The fact that my backpack weighs roughly the same amount as a Sherman Tank with an elephant strapped to the top made this journey quite fucking fantastically fun, and I recommend it for anyone who prays for death on an hourly basis. Anyway, my bus wasn't at Gate 9, and I had about fifteen minutes to figure out where it was in the mammoth collection of escalators and staircases that is the Port Authority. And I freely blame Rufus for all of it, even if some of it wasn't his fault. Damn you, Rufus!

In the end, though, I managed to get myself a cheeseburger and fries and make it to my bus with about a minute to spare. The bus was mostly empty, and our driver Carl was as nice as nice can be. We zoomed off out of New York, through New Jersey and Delaware, and finally to the Baltimore Travel Plaza, which is connected to a Best Western in what I can only refer to as a field of parking lots. Then Vani and Jay picked me up, and I was rearing to go sit on my ass for another half hour while we drove to their place, but I was sure happy to be there.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

And so it goes. I've been sorta zombified for the past week, in a little funk or something. The weather sure isn't helping, as it won't stop being rainy and windy and cold, but I've also been pretty down because I'm worried about my friend and his condition. I know that he'll fight this thing as hard as anyone could, and of course I'm hoping for the best. But I guess I just feel a bit helpless and...meh. I dunno.

The place I'm staying at right now is great. Jeremy and Crista have been wonderful hosts, especially considering that I've kinda been in and out of their place a couple of times. I was right about things being different here as opposed to Jamie and Andrea's, but not in a bad way or anything. It's strange that just as I and my hosts find our comfort zone I'm leaving, but I guess I'm going to find that no matter where I go.

Last night, we all went out to John Harvard's for Jamie's birthday dinner, which was fun. I wish I'd had some kind of present, but I can get him something soon (but don't tell him that)(Jamie, if you're reading this, forget you did!). Then we headed back to Jeremy's and I grabbed some Powerball tickets while he made a brief visit to a local tanning salon in an attempt to avoid major burning when he and Crista go to Jamaica in a couple of weeks. Quick joke:

Bob: So, me and the wife went away for vacation!
Jim: Oh, Jamaica?
Bob: No, it was her idea.

HAHAHAH! Uh. Maybe that's funnier if you say it out loud. Umm. Never mind, it's not funny no matter how it's presented. Anyway, I was SUPPOSED to win Powerball last night, but I didn't. I don't know what the fuck is up with that... Gonna have to call Powerball Headquarters and chew them out, I guess.

In other news, you may have noticed that the map view is fucked up. I don't know why that is. I do know that the side menu gets messed up on that page if you're viewing it in IE, so I gotta fix that. I also need to change the look of the site, but that's gonna be a big project. Maybe it's something I can tinker with on my seven hour bus trip to Maryland.

Yes, seven hours. Those fuckers better make a couple of stops for smoke and food breaks. And they better show a good goddamn movie! Grr! Mmmmmmmokay, that's all for now. Oh yeah, one more thing: from now on, the images that I include in my posts will link to the gallery they're in instead of the picture itself. Does that make sense, or should I keep them linked directly to the picture? Let me know!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 02:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

And we're away! Once more, five minutes late, semi-packed bus. Whee. I'm tired and none of this feels particularly right. I didn't go visit my friend, but I figured he would want to rest. I'm sure he would have been happy to see me, but...but. But I don't know. Did I make a big mistake by not finding a way up to his house? Shit. Maybe I just don't grasp the situation enough, can't understand the urgency of it all. Maybe there is no urgency; we're still waiting for the definitive result, after all. But I won't be there. But I will be if I need to be, dammit.

Yawn. Woke up at 9:15am or so after uncomfortable sleep. Shit, it seems like I haven't had a good night's sleep in a couple of weeks. What's up with that? I'm definitely not the type to be able to be comfy no matter where I lie. Guess that's mostly because of my back and bone problems - I can't really do floors or uncomfortable beds for too long, and I sure as hell can't take sleeping on the couch in my mom's living room, considering it's more of a loveseat and, while I'm not exactly Manute Bol, it's still too short for me. Leaves my legs aching. Yawn.

So up I was, up I got, and so forth. Jason gave me a ride to the train station, and I zoomed off to Boston. Deposited some checks, met Carly at the Pour House for lunch and neither of us really touched our food since we had both been out drinking last night, her with some of her friends, me with the family and the Italians. That one shot of brandy just won't go away, godammit.

But lunch was nice, and it sucked saying bye to her again. "You'll be back," she says, not giving me the opportunity for a long, melodramatic goodbye, damn her eyes. I don't think she appreciates just how large a role melodrama plays in my life. Oh, woe! No one understands me! Anyway, I got to the bus station and had the shits like mad. Sucked that the bathroom floor had some kind of unidentified liquid covering it and I had nowhere else to put my backpack. I'll have to boil it later or something.

And yes, I am talking about my bowel movements here. But that's, like, okay. That's who I am, man. When I die, I want my tombstone to read: HE WASN'T AFRAID TO TALK ABOUT POO. I'm kinda serious here too, for those of you taking notes.

Having my last smoke before the dreaded bus ride, a really cute somewhat punk (or was she emo? Alternative? Does anyone call anything alternative anymore?) girl asked me if I had seen someone stealing her cell phone. Of course, she had lost the phone about fifteen minutes earlier (I saw her talking to a cop in the terminal around then), so there was no chance of me seeing the thief. I hope someone picked it up and turned it in or something. Then she said she'd have to use a pay phone and walked off before my molasses-like synapses fired and thought of offering my cell phone. Oh well. She seemed nice.

Yawn. Okay, I'm tired of typing in on this cramped bus seat. Though I must mention that this bus ride - like my first ride down to Hartford just over a month ago - has its own pair of loudmouthed college girls who are yelling to each other about horrendously uninteresting things. Yee-fucking-ha.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 10:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sunday night and I'm watching The Howling II: My Sister Is A Werewolf. I remember this one from back in the day when I was all into gory special effects, and Tom Savini was my god. I particularly remember this one because Sybil Danning totally tore her top open and let her boobs bounce out, and I do believe they showed that one shot about fifteen times during the end credits. Good stuff. And I think I just saw Jimmy Smits, but I can't check that out until I have an internet connection. Fucking Jimmy Smits.

So tonight I went out with my brothers, their friend Phil and these two Italian guys, Guy and...Jean Claude? Um. Well, Guy is big. One might say he is fucking immense. He was like three-and-a-half Me's. Guy has won awards for bodybuilding and powerlifting. But beyond that, he was a nice guy and kept us entertained during dinner. Dinner, incidentally, lasted about umm...five hours? Maybe three, but it was a big dinner. About five or six appetizers, then an entrée, then shots, then coffee, then two big plates of desserts prepared by our waitress who - we found out during post-dinner conversation - couldn't drive anymore because she'd had a brain tumor removed. In fact, they'd had to peel her face off to do it. I'm sure glad she waited until we had finished eating to tell us that.

So, dinner was fantastic. We were at a small Italian place in Swampscott, barely more than a small house with a dining area, and the chef clearly put his all into the food he made. Oh wait, I think Sybil Danning's about to show her boobs...hm. Nope. Damn! Wow, there's some bad acting in this. Is that really Jimmy Smits? I know that's Christopher Lee, but he's needed the money for about fifty years now. Hopefully his roles in the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars movies will keep him in the black for the rest of his life.

Anyway, after dinner we dropped the Italians off and then headed for the Squire, one of the few local strip clubs, and pretty much the worst of the lot. It's not that the women are trashy like at the Cabaret {well, okay, they are); it's the clientele. I've only been to this place a few times, and whereas in the past it was mostly filled with Vinnie Italian Iroc-Z Men (as it is supposedly owned by The Mob), tonight it was filled with even scummier people. Lots of scrawny white guys in mismatched Nike jumpsuits and sporting headgear that came from apparently whatever was lying on the floor when they were on the way out the door. Seriously, it's like one of them would look at a soiled napkin in the trash and think, "Oh! That would simply look smashing if it were on my head!" I don't know what the fuck these guys' various problems were.

I guessed they were gangsta wannabe dope dealers or something. One of them would periodically walk two feet from their place at the bar to shower one of the strippers in singles. And I mean that literally - he just threw a bunch of ones at the girl. Pretty classy. Pretty stupid. But hey, that's how these niggas roll, I guess. Idiots.

The strip club lasted two beers, and we left. Went home, and here I am now, sitting on my ass, watching The Hidden. Sybil Danning never did show her boobs, so that's disappointing. But I haven't seen this other movie in a long time, so I'll do that. I'm heading back to CT tomorrow, after an early lunch with Carly. Then it's back to busville, and hopefully the bus will be empty, I dunno. I've realized that I don't feel that my journey has really started yet, but I guess that's because I've been so close to home. At the end of this week, I'm off to Maryland and will be outside the protective sphere of New England. For how long, I'm not entirely certain; if my friend needs me to come back, I come back - we're going to find out the results of his biopsy on Tuesday, I think. Bah. I'm gonna eat some pudding and watch teevee now. Bye!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 10:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Saturday night. Well, Saturday day, I talk to Carly and plan to meet her at 6:30 at Cornwall's in Kenmore Square. Then I talk to my friend's wife and hear that he's been moved back home, and I'm still not sure if I should visit, or if I even can. We'll see, I guess. Anyway, 6:30 at Cornwall's. Except she falls asleep and it ends up being more like 7:45, but that's cool. Gave me a chance to watch lots of apparently fragile people run back and forth, fleeing from the scarce raindrops that seems to pass as "rain" these days. Seriously, folks, a few drops of water aren't going to kill you. Relax.

Anyway, we had some nice dinner, though I managed to rattle a ketchup bottle off the neighboring table, sending it crashing to the ground. Fortunately, the people who were outside with us (and who drunkenly claimed "Oh, you're gonna be part of the conversation!", and they were right) told the waitress that some jackass had walked by and knocked the bottle over, and we thanked them. Ate and drank and chatted, made fun of the sea of umbrellas passing by, and did indeed get pulled into the conversation of the drunk people every so often.

But they weren't necessarily just a bunch of drunk people. They turned out to be pretty interesting, two guys who met three others from the nearby photography school, they all just ended up talking and hanging out together. Lindey (Lindsey?), the girl who seemed obsessed with dicks and toes and god knows what else, ended up leaving with...whatissname, some guy, Tony's friend. Tony, the guy studying religion and who seemed to be an all-around cool fella, showed me how to smoke a pipe - or I tried anyway, didn't exactly get the hang of it. Ben, the photography guy who really just ended up whining a whole lot about how BU students suck and how he would be going home alone and not getting laid, and though I think that was his roundabout way of hitting on Carly, it was pretty weak. But I guess he was okay. And then Jen, the girl who I thought was a lesbian mostly due to her hairstyle, but I think she was somewhat interested in me, I dunno. That was a bit strange.

Talked about movies as the group slowly dwindled, and then we parted ways, and it took me like a friggin hour to get home because the MBTA decided to disband their Night Owl service awhile back even though a lot of people used it. But since the people who really used it were Hispanic janitors, they figured it wasn't worth it to keep it running. So I waited on the damn trains as they sat for ten minutes apiece, eager to catch every last drop of drunken moron at 1am. Meh.

Sat on a Winthrop bus alone thinking, have I ever really been alone? I claim that I do well alone, that I can get by, that I don't actually need anyone. But I don't think that's true. What would I do if I really had no one? If everyone was gone? Just curl up and die, I guess, cease to function, cease to be, I don't know. No idea. Anyway well, this steak and cheese sub is pretty awesome, even if it is cold.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 02:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Back home, it's Friday, uh, Saturday, 2am. Been up for...20 hours now? On four hours of sleep. Holy shit I'm tired. But I'm awake at the moment, having a smoke and watching the remake of Psycho, which is pretty darned shitty and useless so far. Though I gotta say, Anne Heche sure is purdy. Too bad she's a lesbian. More to the point, it's too bad she hasn't done any lesbian porn. Not that I'm really all that much into lesbian porn; most of it is lame, especially the stuff with the mostly-plastic "perfect" blonde bimbo pro porn starlets. Yawn. I wrote "blimbo" instead of "bimbo", and that's pretty funny.

Anyway, I'm home. After a tired journey into the world of crappy ATMs this morning and then paying for my bus ticket with some of my debit card and seven dollars in quarters, and after the bus ride which involved a gang of Amish types and their cute little baby, and after a brief cab ride from Boston's South Station to me mum's house by a cab driver who listened to a strange mix of salsa mixed with what I think was Bayou French very loudly, I made it home. First thing I checked was if there was a wireless connection anywhere in the area, and there isn't. But that's okay. Watched Malcolm X and learned the plight of my black brothers, then headed into town to meet up with Carly.

Standing in the city again after many days in the woods was strange. That, coupled with the knowledge that I'm only here for a few days, brought on a special kind of disconnectedness, a feeling that I don't belong here, that maybe I don't really belong anywhere, though I know that's not true. Being tired as fuck probably didn’t help, but a double espresso shot from the book store Starbucks perked me up a little. Then I spent twenty minutes searching for sci-fi books published by Random House, but that's another story. Then Carly showed up, and that made me happy, happier than I can say, really. Maybe that sounds weird, but we're weird friends.

Anyway, we walked through the cool and humid and crappy air, past Fenway Park where the Sox were in the process of blowing their chance of making it to the World Series again, and down to the Fenway AMC where we saw Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Wererabbit, which was really fucking hilarious and probably the best movie I've seen all year. Goddamn it was just so funny and so awesome, and made me even happier. Dinner afterwards and conversation about what's going on, about her dissatisfaction with the current state of her life, talked about hockey and health problems and damn, it was good to sit and chat with her again.

"We all go a little mad sometimes..." Vince Vaughn says, and I guess he's not so bad in the role. Meh.

Then another beer and I hop back on the train and listen to some moron complaining to his friend about how Boston's train system doesn't allow for easy travel between its various lines, and how it's SO EASY to just build a tunnel beyond Lechemere station to Somerville, and WHY CAN'T THEY JUST BUILD A TUNNEL I JUST DON'T GET IT!, and they built a twenty mile tunnel through the English Channel in far less time than the Big Dig has been going on and so HOW HARD CAN IT BE!? Because, Mr. Nitwit, there wasn't a goddamn four hundred year old city in the middle of the English Channel to dig through, so it was as easy as "dig two holes and make them meet up in the middle somewhere" and not "dig two holes around a shitload of pipes and smaller tunnels and building foundations and make them meet up in the middle somewhere". Also, it's fairly easy to move between train lines without having to go all the way to Park Street if you just learn how to use the buses and stop whining, you shitsucking fuckhead. SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO STAY AWAKE ON THE TRAIN!

And there we go. Caught a cab from Orient Heights and - oh, Anne's about to get stabbed in the shower, except I don't think they'll be using Hershey's syrup for blood because this is in color - nope, that blood's red - ooh, I think I saw her boobs! - and uhh...oh yeah. Now I'm home. Tomorrow I think I'm helping Carly - oh damn, Anne Heche's ass! NICE! - move a couple of things out of her apartment, then I think we might see The Exorcism of Emily Rose, then I dunno. Beer or something. I also have to call my friend's wife and see how he is - she left a voicemail saying they'd done a second biopsy and finally got what they needed in order to figure out what's wrong with him. Fuck. Just...fuck. Can't think about that now, too tired. G'night!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 02:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Sure is quiet out here. Aside from the occasional raised voice, you wouldn't even know there was another house about a hundred feet down the road. But I'm sure not complaining.

Today, I was planning on going for a walk in the woods, in order to see if I could get lost, fall in a ditch and break my legs, or get mauled by deer or whatever the hell is out there. So I needed a walking stick! I grabbed my trusty knife and Jeremy's trusty hatchet, and went to work on a birch branch. Not that that's terribly exciting, but it was fun to do something besides stare at my laptop or nearly set Jeremy's house on fire.

See, I wanted to make lunch. Specifically, I wanted to make a frozen pizza. Well, the frozen pizza people made the pizza; I just wanted to cook it. So I fire up Jer's oven to 425 degrees as the frozen pizza people's instructions told me to do. Nothing a five-year-old or a brain damaged monkey couldn't figure out. So why, then, was the oven smoking when I came back into the house ten minutes later? Damned if I know! But the burning oven left me pizza-less, so I had some cereal. Between this and Jamie's dishwasher, I'm swearing off kitchen appliances. From now on lunch is going to be me, a dead rat, and a lighter. Take that, modern conveniences!

After making my walking stick and farting around for awhile, Jeremy came home and took out his air rifle so we could shoot us some vermin! Or paper targets and watermelon, whatever. For those of you keeping track at home: I'm a terrible shot. Virtua Cop, I can kick your ass. Real guns, no way. But that was fun, and was a lot of exercise, as it takes a good deal of upper body strength to crack the gun open to load it. And I am a weak, weak man.

Anyway, back to walking in the woods. The walking stick and gun stuff was yesterday. My storytelling skills are not up to snuff. So. Yeah. Anyway. After talking to my friend wife and finding out that he's in the hospital having MRIs and biopsies done, any desire to do anything fled quickly. I'm not going to whine about that here, as we still don't know anything, but fuck. It sucks nonetheless. Here I am moving down the east coast while my friends and family are getting screwed left and right. Did I mention the part about my mom almost having to go to court for missing jury duty? Egads. She ended up avoiding that by actually going to jury duty, but it was a little touch-and-go there for awhile. They didn't even pick her! Sheesh.

Uhh...oh yeah. Woods. Jeremy came home early and asked if I wanted to go hiking in the woods, so I said sure. I figured going with someone else beats sulking through the forest by myself. And boy, is there a lot of forest back there! Even though we were walking along a trail cut by unknown people, we were still definitely not near civilization. But it sure was beautiful out there. Cool rocks and trees and...plants. Hm. Yeah, I probably talk about trees and shit a lot, but I'm in Connecticut for chrissake! Cut me some slack, willya?

So the walk was fun, but tiring. People who smoke and do not exercise are not made for walking anywhere but to the store to get more cigarettes. But I survived, more or less. No snakebites or lyme disease or alien abductions, so that's good.

And tomorrow, I go back home! Well, just for the weekend. I figure that it'd be kinda lame for me not to visit home one more time before I get out of New England at the end of next week. Plus, I'm going to go see Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit with Carly tomorrow! And hopefully I will drink a lot. This will also give me a chance to exchange some of my short-sleeved stuff for more appropriate Fall clothing, particularly my cool leather jacket. YAY! On the down side, I won't really be able to visit my hospitalized friend while I'm up there, but I'm pretty positive he doesn't want a bunch of visitors anyway. Meh. Okay, I'm done for tonight. Bye!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 09:09 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I end every entry title with an ellipsis or an exclamation point, don't I? Seems to indicate a manic personality or something. Oh well..!

I've moved! Last night, Jamie handed me off to Jeremy, and after a brief stint at the supermarket we headed back to his place, which is in a fairly remote location. Trees and birds and spiders and all sorts of wildlife surround his home. I was looking forward to going back outside to check out the stars, but I never got around to it since I was busy unloading my stuff and watching Jeremy spill pet feed all over his basement.

This is a great place, but with a decidedly different vibe than Jamie and Andrea's place. It's much quieter, and there are no crazy cats running around (though I do miss the kitties a lot). I think I'll have a lot more time to work on drawing and writing and stuff. Not that I didn't have time to do it at the other house; I was just being lazy there. And chances are I will be just as lazy here, but I at least have to pretend I'm trying, right?

Anyway, yeah, I like it here. This will be the first place where I really have a time crunch, so I'll have to get used to taking in more details on the fly, I guess. Like, for instance, I noticed that birds make a lot of noise. I know, you probably don't believe me. But when you're observant as I am, you notice the little things like that.

I also noticed that the woods are fucking scary as shit at night! Around 11pm, I decided I'd head out to the back deck to have a smoke. Now, Jeremy and Crista don't leave the back lights on at night, but I figured I'd get around okay in the dark. I was monumentally incorrect. See, the woods get DARK. Really dark. Like "can't see an inch in front of your face" dark. But that's not the scary part. I can handle the darkness just fine, and I even managed to not walk into the pool.

It's all the growling and hooting and horrible noises that the dark brings with it. I swear the christ I was surrounded by werewolves. That cigarette didn't last very long at all. Tonight, I'm gonna bring a flashlight and my knife when I got for a smoke. And some silver bullets and holy water and rocket launchers, if I can find any in the basement.

Well, that's it for now.Oh, don't forget to vote for your favorite potato! Polls close at midnight on some day in the future at some point!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 03:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Because my friend Carly is dying from the avian flu, I will honor her request to put up a poll on who's potato looks better. Sound strange? Yes, yes it is. But why the hell not?

First up, Carly's potato, which is from Turkey:

Carly says: "My potato definitely wins. And it had lots of good stuff in it, like sausage and cheese and peas and ketchup and mayo." She also said she'd kick me in the nuts if I said she smelled like poo, so she is clearly insane.

And now, my potato, which is from Maine, which is in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA:

I say: "Vote for my damn potato! It's my friggin website! Why do you hate me!? Stop crying, Mommy!" I am also clearly insane.

So there you go. Run to the polls or call our toll-free voting hotline and vote for your favorite potato! Or, since there are no polls or a toll-free voting hotline, you can just say which one looks better by posting a comment. You could win up to ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN PRIZES!!!!!!!!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 11:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

...are what I'm all about, baby! Well, I don't know much about cars. And I guess I really don't know a lot about art either. But I sure like movies! Sexy movies. And non-sexy movies, too. I like movies about zombies and stuff, too.

FRIDAY: I had some tuna sandwiches for lunch, and then we went to see Serenity! And if you haven't seen it, you should. Like, right now. Go. GIT! It was that good. Maybe it's because I really like the teevee show, but I think they did a really good job introducing the world, characters and story for folks who had no prior knowledge of Firefly. Though if you haven't seen Firefly, you should go buy the DVDs. Go. GIT!

So yeah, a really good movie. Sure, it would have been nice if Ms. Whispering Butterbeast and Mr. Effeminate Loudvoice weren't sitting right fucking behind me, but it was good nonetheless. Afterwards, we went to Vito's On The Park in Hartford, where the bartender told us how she didn't like to swallow (oysters) and then tried to screw us out of the "half-price pizza and beer late night special", but Andrea got it fixed. Well, maybe she wasn't trying to screw us, but uh...well, that's a fascinating story, huh?

SATURDAY: New car day! We went to the VW dealership to trade in Andrea's Jetta for a semi-new Passat. She was sad to let her old car go, but the new one is pretty nice! Jamie and I are confident that she'll grow to like it, but don't tell her we said that or she might not like it out of spite and...er...hi Andrea! HI!

Then we headed to The Elbow Room in the swanky section of Hartford, where I had a bison burger. It was...well, it was okay. A little different from beef, different texture. Then I stabbed the waiter in the neck for killing the noble bison and stealing the land of my people. That made the rest of lunch a little awkward.

Finally, we went to the University of Hartford to see the Samuel Mockbee and the Rural Studio: Community Architecture exhibit. I don't really know anything about architecture, but the whole thing was pretty interesting. Lots of neat models and pictures, and info on Samuel Mockbee, who sounded like a really cool guy. Then we came home and watched Schultze Gets the Blues which I really liked a whole lot even if it was very slow. You should go rent it now! GIT!

SUNDAY: Today we went out to see Andrea's grandma, who lives in a really nifty house in the woods near a pretty lake. Jamie and I took a smoke break and walked around the property, where we saw deer poo and...uh...sticks and trees and shit. It was nice.

INSERT PICTURE OF TREES AND POOP HERE

Then we headed to her dad's office, and I talked to Carly on the phone for a bit. And seeing how she's one of my favoritest people in the whole world, and I hadn't spoken with her since I left to go on this crazy trip, that made me happy. And it looks like I'll probably head back to the Boston area late next week for a few days!

That's the plan, anyway. Tomorrow I get passed off to Jeremy for two weeks (potentially interrupted by my potential trip back home), then I head down to NYC and on to Maryland! Aaaaand yeah, that's it. I had a lot of wonderfully fascinating introspective thoughts today about the nature of this journey and myself and my place in the world and crap, but I can't remember what any of that was, so I'll just end this entry here.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 09:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)