Generally Discontent

Here I am in sunny Charlotte! And man, is it sunny. And warm. I was getting used to the weather being in the 60's, and now it's closer to 80. I think I've somehow gotten jetlag from a train.

Seth picked me up at the train station, which was fortunately small so I didn't have to wander around too much. The trip back ran right through downtown Charlotte, which I was happy for - it's nice to see a big city when I come to a new place. As much as I like to walk around in the woods, and as much as I like seeing cows and farms and shit, I guess I'm more or less a city boy after all.

Anyway, Charlotte looks like a really nice place, with some big ass skyscrapers and lots of statues and stuff on the ground. I was still in a post-train haze, so I didn't really pay much attention. After awhile, we got to Seth's neighborhood, which is a nice suburban area. Picked up some beer and headed to his place...

...and were attacked by dogs! Oh, wait, this isn't a dog attack. Just Seth and his roomate's dogs, happy as hell to see us. So I met Baxley, Newman, and Sammy, as well as Seth's roommate Dwyer. Dropped my stuff on the futon I'll be sleeping on for the next two weeks, got a quick tour, then went out to the back deck to relax, smoke, and drink some beers while they grilled up some dinner.

This is a nice house, a great mix between bachelor pad and hominess. Homeiness...home...is that a word? Anyway, I like it here. It's going to take some getting used to, of course, after a month in Maryland. Definitely a different vibe here, but a good, laid-back vibe.

After an awesome dinner, we flopped down in front of the teevee with beers and watched Family Guy for awhile. I was pretty brain dead by this point, but managed to stay alive until they went to bed, and then I collapsed.

And awoke to someone passing through my room, which doubles as the computer room as well as the side entrance. I thought it was Dwyer, but found out later it was someone else. Whatever, I was too tired to care, and immediately fell back asleep.

Got up around noon and groggily took a shower, wondered if it was okay for the dogs to go outside or what. Fortunately, Seth came by around one with some burgers and advice on when to feed the dogs and, yes, it was okay if they hung around outside. I don't know shit about dogs, though. Last time I had a dog was when I was a wee lad, and I didn't really feed or walk her or anything. Lucky for me, they're all really good dogs. Sure is something to get used to, though, since the last animal I was around was a parakeet, and the most I had to do for her was pick up the occasional poo with tissue paper.

Later, while sitting on the toilet, someone came in yelling hellos. Again, I thought it was Dwyer, but upon exiting the bathroom, I met...um. He told me his name, but I can't remember it now. One of Seth's friends who was just stopping by to hang out for a bit. Or maybe it's his other roommate? Or uh...I dunno. It was the same guy who woke me up this morning, I got that part, anyway. Whatever, he seems like an okay guy.

I later learned that this was Harden. We talked a bit, he told me how much Charlotte sucks and gave me some info on the various sports teams around here, then took off. Kind of a bizarre introduction to the place, but whatever. Later, everyone came home, including Seth's other roommate Brandon, who I met for about two minutes. And then it was time to go out for beers!

We headed to one of Seth and Dwyer's favorite hangouts, the Press Box, sort of a dive-y sports bar place. Monday Night Football was on, and the buckets of Bud Light were flowing. Now, I've never been a Bud Light guy, but I can see the appeal if you're spending the night sitting in a bar, boozing it up, especially if you toss in the occasional shot of Jaeger. It was kinda nice not really getting drunk at all!

Some of Seth's friends came by as well. There was Tattoo, an older guy who is into an amazingly wide variety of music, from U2 to Poison to Slayer, a real audiophile and a pretty cool guy; Michelle, a laid back girl from Asheville, NC, the same artsy-fartsy, hippie-lesbian town that Vani's friend suggested I visit; and Sam, Michelle's boyfriend and a painter of celebrity portraits. All were very nice people. As a matter of fact, I've been pretty lucky with the people I've met over the last few months. With few exceptions, everyone's been great.

Today I woke up with barely a hangover, and then I spent the day hanging around the house, playing with the dogs, doing nothing in particular, really. Seth and I went food shopping, then stopped by Sonic for some late dinner. Of course, I didn't have my camera on me, so I couldn't document this historic moment. See, Sonic airs commercials all over the place - Massachusetts, Connecticut, Maryland - yet the closest Sonic to any of us Northern folk is somewhere in Virginia. So I was charged by Jamie and Vani to find a Sonic and sample its wares. I have done this, but I have no proof.

But considering how good it was, I'm sure as hell going to try to get Seth to go again. Plus it has cute girls on roller skates, so that's cool.

And now I sit, watching Highlander with Seth's roommate. So there you go!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 12:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Well, yesterday was one hell of a day. Jay was off for Veteran's Day, so the three of us drove into the city to have lunch and visit the National Aquarium, which I was told was amazing and fun. Though I had doubts - since everyone knows that the One True Aquarium is the New England Aquarium in Boston - I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was in fact amazing and fun, and amazingly fun. If you made it through those two sentences without some kind of blood vessel bursting, I applaud you.

So we got to Baltimore after a scenic drive through the Loyola University campus as well as the "old money" area on the outskirts of the city, where many multi-million dollar homes dwell. I was hungry and whiney, so we had some lunch before taking a casual stroll through the harbor area on the way to the aquarium. I also finally picked up some postcards to send to family and friends.

Finally, the aquarium! We got in and were greeted with the stingray pool which was full of stingrays, as you might expect. There were a few other fish as well as a three-flippered turtle. Later in the day, we'd see some divers feeding these fish through the windows looking in at the tank from below, though my secret guilty hope that the stingrays would turn on the divers, resulting in a horrid bloodbath went unfulfilled. Near the stingrays were the sharks, who were cool but not as cool as I'd hoped. Maybe that's just because the sharks weren't eating any people at the time, I don't know. No, I don't have a "violent fish attack" fetish. Why do you ask?

Then it was a long, curving path throughout the building, tons of cool and educational displays with all sorts of fish and animals, pretty much what you'd expect from an aquarium. But there were a few outstanding displays, particularly the rain forest area, which was in a hermetically-sealed secrtion of the place and full of tropical plants and animals. And humid as hell. Good thing I was wearing my leather jacket and a hooded sweatshirt! Ugh.

But despite the heat, the rain forest area was fantastic. Dozens of colorful birds flew this way and that, sat on branches preening themselves. We saw some piranhas, other assorted fish, and what was by far the best part, a golden lion tamarin, which was a little daffy orange monkey who seemed to always be saying, "What the hell are you people doing in MY house?"

But for all the educational areas of the aquarium, nothing could match the big fish tank. At first glance, it might seem the most mundane area, the least interesting. It's just a bunch of fish floating around, after all. But if you really look at the fish, you'll see all sorts of amazing things. I don't think I ever really noticed just how beautiful fish could be, even the ones that seem typical, the ones you see sitting on ice in your local fish market. But the colors, the shapes, the natural evolutionary choices in camouflage and social interaction just had me mesmerized. I felt like a little kid again, discovering something new that not many others saw. Goddamn that was fun.

But while the fish were fantastic, the other people there left something to be desired. It was early on a weekday, but the kids were still there, as were the old people. If you weren't being blocked by slow-walking, unobservant butterbeasts and their fifteen screaming children, you had to dodge between ancient, shambling husks of people who you wouldn't know were alive if not for the fact that they were standing up. Then there was the guy who practically used his own baby as a battering ram to get through the crowds, and the rugrats who ran rampant through the place, inches from death or serious injury at every moment, and the parents who couldn't have cared less. However, none of that could get us down, since we were having such a great time.

After the aquarium, we headed over to Fell's Point, where I had actually been a few years ago when my brothers, Jeff and I went down to see a Red Sox-Orioles game. We had a beer then headed back home, or tried to, anyway. There was an accident on 95 and it took us a good hour to get back to the house. Just in time to clean up quickly and head back out in order to meet Susie for her birthday dinner at Michael's, a semi-swanky seafood restaurant nearby.

Dinner was great, and we learned a lot about Susie, about being a pharmacist in Trinidad, how she knew how to prepare and grind coffee beans (I'm talking getting the beans straight from the field and the process that goes into making the coffee beans coffee), lots of other stuff. Then it was off to Padonia Station for drinks and pool, the Friday night thing. Jay was pretty exhausted, so he headed home after Vani secured a ride for us, so we hung out for another hour or so, just chatting and drinking and having fun.

Unfortunately, Jay got pretty ill shortly after we got home, something about the dinner and the odd mix of wine, beer, and Jack Daniels didn't sit right. Vani tended to him while I tiredly chatted with Mandii in Aussie land, and was happy to hear that she and her husband had finally found a house to move into when Frank is transferred to Syndey in December. So, despite the puking, the day was as happy as it could possibly be, with lots of fun stuff and good news. Not a bad semi-end to my stay in Maryland. Not bad at all.

Not to say I'm not feeling bad. Or sad, rather. I'm sad as hell to be leaving this place. Though it may seem that I haven't done a whole lot down here, it's been an eventful month, what with the illnesses and accidents and arguments and discussions and discoveries and deer. It's also been the first place where I've actually felt a bit homesick. I don't know if that's because of the passage of time or the distance from home, but I really do miss my family and friends and my city. But I'll see them all again real soon. I've still got a bit more left to do.

Though things are bound to get stranger, I suspect. Maryland has been partially alien to me, but that might just be because I don't have a good sense of where I am exactly and what lies beyond the green hills that surround me. The people have been alien to me as well, to a degree. But I just need to remind myself that they're no different from any other people, the same reminder I needed in Europe, in LA, in all my other travels. I must remember the wisdom of the great French philosopher Jean Depeche Mode: People are people. Indeed. Indeed.

So now I'm going to go get prepared to leave, gotta do some laundry, pack up my stuff, clean up after myself, a few other odds and ends. I really don't want to leave, but I know I must. Vani and Jay have been spectacular to me, and I hope I've given them something positive during my stay. But they're not so far away, nor are any of the other folks I've stayed with or will be staying with, not far away at all.

NOTE: There are two galleries of aquarium pictures, one by me and the other by vani. Go check em out!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 03:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Tuesday! Seem I only write on Tuesdays, huh? Well, it's pool night and when I'm not running for beers or loading the jukebox with my awesome taste in music, I don't have a whole hell of a lot to do besides drink and smoke. So Tuesday it is!

My last Tuesday, to be specific. Next Tuesday I'll be in North Carolina, moving on in this whatever it is I'm doing. I still have no idea why and what, where I am.

Jukebox is playing "Solsbury Hill", which is the one song that should get my ass going toward what I want to do, not that that'll make much sense to many people, and I don't feel like explaining it right now. Anyway.

Doors close, new doors open, others stay open just a crack to let the light in, to let me know I'm not as alone as I might be feeling. I've decided to take a train to NC, since it's just as cheap and far more comfortable than a bus, and the trip will be ten hours instead of twelve. Besides, trains are far cooler than buses. Trains carry and automatic romantic air about them, some Murder on the Orient Express shit, I don't know.

What I do know is that I will most likely get drunk off my ass on that train if they serve beer in the snack car. Maybe I'll meet a cute Asian hippie chick like I did on the train from LA to Boston so many years ago. Maybe I'll do something about it this time. Heh.

So my last week, one month in displaced Maryland, another month of my life gone, and what have I learned? A hell of a lot, actually. A few realizations, good and bad, various thoughts and whatnot. Nothing I can share here, only for the fact that I still don't know what to make of any of it, and you're not here to read half thoughts, are you? No, you're here to read about where I am and what I've seen and how the parking lot of this place smells like shit. Like SHIT shit. Smells like an old fat guy took a dump all over the place, I swear.

So that's it for now. Guess I'm not talking about what I've done much, but I'm writing in a notebook right now, and it's easier to write introspective drivel here whereas it's easier to write travelogue-style stuff with a keyboard. Yup, that makes sense.

Anyway, I'm tired of writing, so bye!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 02:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

(this was written on November 2, but I'm lazy)

The next Tuesday, pool league night, and some asshole thought it'd be a grand idea to play what is apparently the entire Matchbox 20 discography on the jukebox. Man, I really don't like Matchbox 20 all that much, not my thing. Meh.

So, despite all the fun I've had here, the stay in Maryland has been rife with illness. When I showed up, Vani was halfway through a bout of tonsillitis or SARS or something like that. Then, just as she got better, Jay got something, a cough that wouldn't go away. And I almost made it without getting sick but, uh, nope.

It was just a couple of days, but I had a shitty cough, waking up each morning (er, afternoon on some days) needing to hack out roughly two metric tons of phlem and goo to feel anywhere close to human.

Oh yay, John Mellancamp.

Anyway, I got past that okay, everyone seemed to be in good health aside from the odd hangover here and there.

Then yesterday shows up. I decide I want a peanut butter and banana sandwich for lunch. Bananas were nice and ripe, wheat bread was fresh, peanut butter was... Well, it sure smelled peanut-y! Smelled like a jar of peanuts, actually. But hell, I hadn't had peanut butter in so long that maybe I just forgot what it smelled like. Yes, this is how my brain works sometimes, folks.

So, slop goes the peanut butter and down the hatch it goes. Sure tastes like peanuts, this peanut butter! But the sandwich as a whole was pretty tasty.

CUT TO: A half hour later, and I'm not feeling so hot. Kinda nauseous, actually. Burps have the slightest tang of peanuts. Uh... Maybe I should take a second look at that jar of peanut butter, not that anything could help me now.

USE BY JUNE 05

Aw hell. The next few hours has me drained of all energy, the peanut butter trying to decide which orifice it wanted to come out of exactly. Eventually I tried to make myself puke with the knowledge that we’d be getting take-out sushi that night and I wanted to clean my system out. Goddamn, I'd make a great bulimic.

In the end, nothing came up but I somehow felt better by dinner time. In fact, I felt better until the next day when Vani made pasta and chicken for lunch, which made me feel awful for some reason. Despite our jokes that she's trying to poison me, I don't think it was her cooking, since the pasta was very good. My stomach just wasn't ready, I guess.

So now, here I am at the pool hall, sorta under the weather, and even if I needed to hit the bathroom in an emergency I couldn't, because have you seen that bathroom? It's friggin gross!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 12:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

What a hell of a fucking day this has been. But first, last night.

We spent the evening hanging out, playing some Scrabble (Vani cheats like hell at that game somehow, which is the only way to explain how much ass she kicks)(barring actual skill and all that claptrap, of course), and watching the movie Crash, which was a gripping tale of racism in post-911 Los Angeles, starring Don Cheadle and Sandra Bullock and two (2) people from various Star Trek series. It was pretty damn good, and I'd suggest you rent it or Netflix it or do whatever you do to get movies, steal them or some shit.

So there's that. Watched the movie, then Vani and I stayed up watching cartoons and having the occasional smoke break. Then things got weird. Around 12:45 or so, we head outside and are confronted with a tiny black cat with a strange jeweled collar. Okay, maybe not so strange, but the fact that this Kitten of Doom (as it most obviously was) was sitting square in the middle of the next-door neighbor's front walk STARING at their front door was freaky as hell.

And to compound the freakiness: as soon as Feline from Hell noticed us, it slowly stood up, somehow rotated forty-five degrees, then sat back down in order to stare at us. And stare Cat of Death did until we nervously doused our cigarettes and scrambled inside, to the light and warmth where we could laugh and quietly hope that the horrible beast wouldn't be there the next time we went out. Fortunately, he wasn't, and we went to sleep with slightly less-troubled minds.

8:15 a.m.

THUD! My door swings open and my eyes are hardly in the same state, but I recognize Vani standing there, and somewhere in the back of my mind I'm happy that I'd covered myself in sheets.

"Jay's been in a car accident I have to go to the hospital something something something!" My brain could only decipher so many words at this point, but I understood the gist and managed to get my ass up and in a semi-conscious state by the time Jay's parents arrived to pick Vani up. She didn't know how bad it was yet, and she was on her way to the hospital. I, in the meantime, just hung around the house, made some coffee, tried to be awake and alert while also being concerned and instantly stressed. I didn't know what to do or what to think, and ended up resigning myself to sitting and waiting, the saving grace of someone on the edge of a crisis.

But then Vani called. Jay was okay, not hurt so much, but the car was totaled. Whew! Good, good. But before I could feel relieved, I had to make more coffee before the gang got back to the house! Deftly I darted downstairs, aware that only half a pot sat waiting and I had little time to replenish it. With cat-like reflexes, I emptied the pot into my cup, and with agility that would impress the most well-trained ninja, I cleaned out the filter and refilled it all in one sweeping motion, taking only an extra moment to fill the water reservoir and flicking on the ON switch. Watching the coffee percolate with desperate, anxious eyes, I wiped down the counter and cleaned out a few cups, hoping there would be enough for all, unaware of what would come next. With only seconds to spare, I-

Uh. What the fuck am I talking about? Anyway, Vani, Jay and Jay's parents and sister showed up not long after, and it was nice to meet the family though the circumstances were surely lacking. Jay seemed okay and was moving around fine, and it turns out the main injury was that his knee was banged up and scraped up a bit, and his back would definitely be hurting later. But what happened?

Jay was on his way to work, waiting for the red light to change at an intersection. Light turned green and he slowly moved forward. Unfortunately, some jarhead in a pick-up decided that red means go and ended up slamming into the side of Jay's SUV. On the plus side, the airbag went off and kept Jay from being smooshed, so that was pretty awesome. On the down side, the car is fucked, but hopefully insurance will help sort all that out since it wasn't his fault.

The gang headed back out to retrieve his stuff from the, uh, the place where they put smashed up cars, the smashed-up car lot or something. Later, when everything had quieted down and Vani had her fourth or fifth heart attack, she and Jay's mom and myself headed off to grab some food and beer. At Wegman's, my addled brain was reminded of how crappy people apparently drive in Maryland as I had to leap left and right to avoid the rampant carts of old people and soccer moms. Now, I can get a pretty goddamn good case of road rage while pushing a shopping cart, wanting to ram the idiots who stand in the middle of the aisle screaming, "Honey? Should I get the Heinz or Hunts ketchup!??" while their significant other is halfway across the store, but the folks at Wegman's took the prize as Worst Cart Drivers of All Time. If it wasn't for Wegman's amazing selection of cheeses, why, I might just have flipped out at those people. Well, I was pretty tired, too.

And that's that. We're all pretty worn out. I feel like crap, and I can only imagine how Vani and Jay feel. Jay seems okay though hurty and tired, and Vani is now finally relaxing after a day of worrying and doing all she could to make everything as good as it could be. So now we're trash-talking each other while playing Burnout Revenge. Specifically, we're playing the maps where you have to crash your car into other cars in order to do the highest dollar amount of damage as you can. Go figure, huh?

Posted by CosmoDNA at 01:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, and witness the horror, the wonder of Maryland's authentic and unique Crazy People! See the seat-stealing Karaoke Cowboy sing his siren song and shoot his plastic guns! Fear the mundane conversation of Creepy Neighbor Guy...can you escape before he talks you to death? Feel the nauseating rubbing of Batshit Insane Poolhall Woman as she hunts for a mate or something! Don't worry folks; they don't bite. Or do they..??

Translation: I've seen some really bizarre people here in Maryland, so bizarre that they warrant their own little entry.

First up, we have Creepy Neighbor Guy. He lives a few doors down from Vani and Jay, and Vani had warned me about him before I had the displeasure of actually meeting him. One morning, I'm out having a smoke alone, and this guy approaches me asking the dude (me) if he has an extra smoke. I say sure, why not, here you go, no need to give me what looks to be the forty-five cents in your hand there, it's just a cigarette for chrissake. So there you go, here's a light, have a nice d-

He starts talking, making small talk that I don't really want to make, as his shaky demeanor and strangely sunken and pitted face already has me on edge. But so it goes, and he's one of those people who feels the need to blurt out his whole damn life story to any person, animal or object he comes in contact with. I discover that Creepy Guy used to live in Florida, then up to New Hampshire to live with some girl, then she dumps him and he's laid off, his old boss in jail for tax evasion or some shit, now back home with the 'rents and man, this is the worst his life's ever been! And oh yeah, he likes hockey. And oh yeah, he'd locked himself out of his house. Wonderful, just wonderful.

I managed to use my burned-down cigarette as an excuse to escape this wretched husk of a man, but not before the most minute part of my soul died a sobbing, screaming death. But that wasn't the end so much, as the guy is constantly going in and out of his car, constantly pulling out of his parking spot and roaring down the street as unsafe speed, constantly just...being...creepy.

Next on the list is Batshit Insane Poolhall Woman, or BIPW for short. It was Friday at the bar/poolhall, the beer was flowing and the balls were, uh, rolling and clacking and whatnot. We noticed BIPW pretty quickly, as she was hanging with the somewhat trashy folks on the table next to ours. Late 30s / early 40s, thin as a damn handrail and used just as much as one, bleach blonde tangly hair and a face the Mummy would be envious of. She was dancing. Dancing a lot, and clearly her intention was to make every male within reach her stripper's pole, as she moved from one to the next, rubbing her ass all over them.

She was clearly drunk and most likely high on something, or really just insane. At first I thought some of Vani and Jay's friends knew her, as she was butt-rubbing against them, but they said they'd never met her. I sort of feared for their lives, but in the end no one seemed to get hurt, though I hope they burned their clothes when they got home that night.

BIPW was last seen up on the stage with the DJ and a couple of other dancers, shaking her itchy ass at the crowd and generally acting like a maniac. She will be missed.

Our last crazy person is the Karaoke Cowboy, one of the people at the Halloween party last Friday. He was a tall guy dressed as a Cowboy, with a bright blue shirt and bright orange guns. And fairly indistinguishable from the various furniture and Halloween decorations littering the townhouse were in. Until the seat-stealing began.

Jay, Vani and I were hanging out then decided to go grab some more beer and a smoke. Vani gets up from her chair and heads for the stairs, and about two seconds later, Karaoke Cowboy leaps forth from the corner he had been sitting and plants his ass on her chair. Perhaps that's not so weird, but you didn't see the determined purposefulness he exuded as he lurched at that chair, as if he desperately desired to soak in whatever aura Vani's ass had left on it. So, yeah, that was a bit odd.

Then we're out front, having a smoke with the host of the party, John. But here comes Karaoke Cowboy, melting out of the shadows (Had he been there the whole time? I thought he was downstairs in Vani's seat?). He's there, not smoking, obviously John's friend or brother or something, but he's not part of the conversation. In fact he- wait, what? His orange plastic toy guns are out suddenly, his legs bend, and BANG BANG BANG (or, well, CLICK CLICK CLICK) go the guns as he ruthlessly murders a tree just for snoring too loud or something. And then he went and did the seat-stealing thing about ten minutes later when Vani got up from a different chair.

And to add to his weirdness, he decides to coerce the DJ into helping him do karaoke, though nobody else at the party seemed interested in doing that. It was "Sweet Home Alabama", a remake by someone who might be Jewel, and it was both awesome and horrific at the same time. He did a little line-stepping dance, got out his guns CLICK CLICK CLICK and belted out the words in the most dull monotone you're ever likely to hear. All we could do was sit and stare, making no sudden movements for fear that this obviously recently-escaped mental patient might attack us. Then he was done and ceased his Vani-stalking, possibly out of embarrassment, but most likely because the voices of his victims had been satiated by his angelic singing. In any case, I'm sorta glad we cut out of there early.

So there you go, three very different and very crazy people that I have witnessed here in Maryland. I report this so that you, Joe America, don't have to come in contact with the strangeness and terror that I have. You better feel damned lucky!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 05:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Tuesday. Pool night and I'm getting close to drunk,. The jukebox went dead so I'm the DJ for the next fifteen songs, and I sure hope these people like it. Well, I don’t care so much, but I don't want anyone getting pissed that Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight" is playing. Whatever.

Been a good night so far, a good day, really. Woke up groggy and maybe a bit sick, but got better and spent the afternoon playing Burnout Revenge with Vani, and talking to my homeslice Jeff on the AIM. Shout out to my boyee Porzdawg cold kickin' in it Chelmsford, Mass. Mad love, yo!

Now, here, chatting with Vani and Jay's friends Ellen and Susie about being "too" nice to people, those who take advantage of others, drug problems, and just what am I going to wear to the Halloween party this Friday?

Then he comes, the kid, trying to scare Susie and it's awhile before I realize nobody knows who he is. But it's cool, he's a cool little kid. He tries doing laps around the poolhall before some Grumpy Gus yells at him, then he regales me with tales of how when he was in the Olympics, he could run up and down a mountain in one second with no legs while covered in dirt that took ten showers to remove, something about bees in armpits, little unknown kid jumping on my back. And then Susie was gone, then the kid was gone, and my last song (Queen's "Fat Bottomed Girls") ended, and all was quiet.

So I throw some more songs on. "Turn the Page" is on and I'm getting beers.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 04:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Well, yeah, so hi. Sorry about the no new posts thing... Jeez, it's like monsterrobot all over again! But it's not like I haven't been doing anything. In fact, I've been pretty busy, which is why I haven't been posting. Yeah, "doing stuff" is a pretty lame reason not to write about what I've been doing, huh?

Anyway, what's been going on, you ask? Well, I'll tell ya! Lots of drinking for one thing. Or, well, a good amount of going out to local joints, playing pool, watching other people who can actually play pool playing pool, stuff like that. I guess I'll try to sum shit up here in somewhat chronological order:

Two Fridays ago, we went down to Padonia Station, the place we went the first night I was in Maryland. Vani and Jay go here most Fridays to hang out with folks from their pool team and other friends, and to play the aforementioned pool and drink the aforementioned drinks. It's a pretty interesting place, and the clientele is...curious. My next post will be about some of the crazy people I've seen, particularly this one super wacko chick who was there that Friday and who was rubbing up against every guy she saw like they were hair and she was a balloon that really, really wanted to stick to a wall.

I haven't written in awhile, so yeah, my analogies are worse than usual. Sorry about that.

Anyway, that Sunday we went to this place called Weber's Farm to get pumpkins for jack-o'-lantern carving. The place was a combo of farmer's market, petting zoo, and country fair, complete with hayrides and various things for kids to do. It was so cool! Vani and Jay's friend Susie and her son joined us, and we spent a few hours walking around, checking out the animals, and trying to find the perfect pumpkins. Then a scenic ride through some of Maryland's farmlands brought us home to chill out before heading out to Padonia again.

It was just the three of us, and I totally stomped Vani and Jay into the ground with my mad pool skills. Ummm, not really. But I did hold my own just a little bit, on like one or two shots. Okay, I got smoked big time, but fun was had by all so it's a good thing.

Other nights, we went to pool league night where I played DJ on the jukebox while the team played (and I just remembered that I wrote a whole thing while I was there that I will have to transcribe and post later). Then we...uh. I coulda sworn we did something else that week. Oh yeah! We went to Target and then this Halloween store to grab stuff for our costumes for the big party Friday night! We also stopped by a pool and bar supply place that had all sorts of tables and sticks and bars and various silly (and expensive) things for you to put in your bar. I'd never been in a store like that, so it was pretty nifty.

And on to the Halloween party! Vani got all dressed up as a sexy witch with funky green face paint and a bouncy rubber bat, and Jay suited up as a beer keg, complete with theoretically functioning tap, though we never got it working. And I went as a vampire once again, the costume I always end up going with when I realize that the time for creating an original costume has passed and I need to whip something up quickly. But it came out okay, and I got lots of compliments on my fake teeth and fake cross burn on my face. And Jay won second prize for Funniest Costume at the party!

The party itself was cool but strange. For one thing, there were a bunch of little kids there, though the host and his friends were getting boozed up and sneaking out back occasionally for a little nip of the ol' wacky tobaccy. Then there was the Karaoke Cowboy, who I will include in my "Crazy People" post...that one was WEIRD. We ducked out early before Vani's head exploded from cat allergies, then headed over to Padonia, where no one else was dressed up. And then a bouncer asked me if I had any extra makeup, as he was going to a party after his shift was over. That was a little awkward. But by then I was tanked, so it was all funny. Well, funny until I woke up the next day and wanted desperately to die in order to get rid of my hangover. Oy.

That brings us up to the last few days. Sunday night we went to this snazzy Irish pub place called The Still, where we had the worst bartenders ever. You'd think that guys who make a living by giving customers drinks and then having those customers give them money would be a little helpful to you, but nope! Not these jerks. Oh well, it was a nice place, and they had antler chandeliers!

And finally last night we hung around the house, got sushi takeout, and passed out candy to all the cute little trick-or-treaters in the neighborhood. We got lots of compliments about our cool jack-o'-lanterns as well, and some strange person took pictures of them! And to complete the trifecta of crazy people, the creepy guy down the street said our pumpkins were really cool, too! Oh, joy!

One more thing: deer. Every night around midnight or 1 a.m., the deer are out and about, chewing on the neighborhood lawns and slowly moving around on their delicate legs. They're so amazing to watch, and it's even more amazing to see them mingling within human society, fairly unafraid of their surroundings, though they will occasional dart away at high speed to avoid someone walking their dog or a particularly wily fox. Sure is a treat to see them, that's for sure.

And that's it for now! Time to go type up a couple more posts and get the rest of my pictures up. Bye!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 04:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Where are the updates!?

The answer is: in my head and on my computer! I've been so lazy when it comes to computing since I got to Maryland, as you can clearly tell. But I have good news! I just saved a bunch of money by swtiching my car insurance to- uh. I mean, I'm uploading pictures! And I will have some actual new entries very soon, like tonight or tomorrow or something. Also, the map view thing is still fucky, but that'll take some time to figure out.

Anyway, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 04:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

So, I haven't been online much, mostly due to the fact that the neighbor's wireless connection is a piece of shit (the nerve, huh?) and I can't seem to get a stable connection when plugged into the router for some reason, but I've also been just farting around with Vani during the days, and Vani and Jay in the evening, playing board games, video games, watching teevee, smoking, drinking, etc. Relaxing, having a great time.

Tuesday night, I went with them to their pool night, tournament stuff, at this warehouse-turned-poolhall that so happens to be near a poo processing plant and a Wal-Mart, go figure. I won't talk much about the clientele, since I'm getting pretty used to the NASCAR crowd, but I do have to say that there were some fucking awesome mullets floating around, bobbing to the seemingly never ending onslaught of Bon Jovi and Rush rumbling through the speakers...

I sat on the bleacher seats while the team played their rivals, and it was pretty interesting despite my not knowing a whole lot about tournament pool. But the rules didn't seem so different from when I've played with my friends. Things were going well, though Vani was still trying to recover from being sick and wasn't feeling up to playing. She was hoping to take off early, but then disaster struck! Or, well, whining struck. Some of the team was being difficult, wanted to play earlier so they could leave earlier, giving Captain Vani a hard time. It was sorta awkward, me sitting there chomping on too-expensive chicken fingers and fries, but there wasn't much I could do. In the end, the team did okay though they had to forfeit the last game, and another day ended.

One good conversation during my time there, between two guys on the platform of pool tables behind me, was about wrestling and Nikolai Volkoff. One guy was saying that the evil Russian was at a "Check-Slow-Vak" festival, since he was in fact a Check-Slow-Vak. I dunno, but it sounded funny. I'm easily amused.

We've been spending the rest of the week hanging around, Vani getting better and Jay getting sick. I felt a bit sick last night, but I think I'm okay now. Vani kicked my ass at Scrabble and kicked both our asses at Monopoly, but I'm pretty sure that's because she's a no-good dirty cheater, or she might be a robot. I will investigate further and report back here.

And then there are animals. I saw deer hanging around on the back lawn, chomping on grass. And there are lots of cool birds floating around, hawks and bluejays and supposedly vultures! And finally, I've been really bonding with Mouse the parakeet. Or, well, she pooped on me, so I guess that's cool. I'm thinking when I settle wherever I settle, I'll get me a birdie. They're pretty friggin' funny and provide hours of entertainment.

That's it for now... Feeling a little displaced since I have no clear idea on where I am exactly aside from "north of Baltimore". But that's not so bad, since I'm in a nice place. Tonight we're going out to booze it up and play pool and stuff, so I'll have something else to write about!

Also, people in the South: stay safe from Wilma!

Posted by CosmoDNA at 06:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Holy shit, I'm in Maryland! Let's see what Answers.com has to say about Maryland.

A state of the east-central United States. It was admitted as one of the original Thirteen Colonies in 1788. The colony was founded by Lord Baltimore in 1634 as a refuge for English Roman Catholics. Annapolis is the capital and Baltimore the largest city. Population: 5,550,000.

Well, that's interesting. Anyway, here I am in the Old Line State (whatever the hell that means), ready to start doing more Southerly things, such as bailing hay and milking cows, even if I'm not really in the South exactly. And I don't see any cows anywhere, though I suppose I could try milking Vani's parakeet. Not sure if anyone involved would enjoy that, though.

So yeah, we got back from the Travel Plaza and I dropped my stuff off. Vani and Jay live in a really nifty townhouse overlooking a really nifty valley full of really nifty trees and stuff. I like it a lot. After getting situated, we headed out for a local bar, where again I was confronted with NASCAR. But again, I'm heading south now so I guess I'll just have to get used to it. It's not easy being a member of high-class Northern society, but I try.

We got there and I met a few of Vani and Jay's pool-playing buddies, then we sat down to drink many beers and smoke many cigarettes (Maryland hasn't banned smoking in bars yet, so I now love Maryland). We were also promised the musically stylings of a band called Tripwire, and I've been a huge fan of theirs since before they got big, so I was pretty psyched. After awhile, another pool-playing buddy, Susan, showed up and she gave me a hug, which is apparently customary in Trinidad, where she's from. So that was pretty cool.

Drinking and chatting and smoking and eating, it was a nice introduction to Maryland and I was feeling very comfortable and not at all bothered by the fact that I am now hundreds of miles from home and whatnot. Then Tripwire came on and the place started rockin'! From the woman with the big hair dancing the same dance to every song to the drunken meathead proclaiming that he likes ten year old boys in the bathroom, I'm surprised the whole place didn't crash down to its foundations due to an explosion of awesomeness.

Um. Tripwire wasn't that great. Well, the lead singer did a fair job at singing their cover tunes, but the drummer was crapalicious, and their rendition of Crazy Train was particularly painful. But I can't really complain, since I was having a great time. Vani and Jay really made me feel at home, and I can't say how much I appreciate that.

After drinking enough, we headed back to the house and watched teeve for a bit, and I was properly introduced to Mouse the parakeet. She's a cute little thing, and pretty funny when she spots a mirror and attempts to poke and dance at the bird on the other side of the glass. Then Vani and I hung out on the deck, smoking and talking, and then everyone went to bed and she had some kind of allergic reaction or something and got sick THE END!

And now today, I'm farting around, trying to take advantage of the few weak wireless signals bouncing around the neighborhood, and watching Stargate SG-1. And uh, I can't think of a good way to end this, so there.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 02:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Travel Tip #43242: When you get change, spend it as fast as possible. It's amazing how many coins I've amassed in the last month. I fortunately put a big dent in my change collection when I had to pay for my last ticket to Boston, but I came away from Jeremy's place with even MORE change, and I hadn't spent any money in days! Maybe I have a magic penny or something, some spell that multiplies my money. That'd be pretty awesome, if I could convince the magic penny to multiply into bills, or maybe the magic penny has some sort of direct deposit policy or something. All I know, even an extra pound or two in my backpack makes a difference, and that fucker is heavy enough as it is.

I'm now officially out of Connecticut and on my way to Maryland. Riding through New Jersey right now, and it's as lovely and whimsical as I remember it. Yesterday, I packed my shit up at Jeremy's (and didn't do lewd things in his vegetable crisper as I had pondered - they were too nice) and then Jamie picked me up. The plan was: I'd go with Jamie and Andrea to some band playing somewhere, then I'd crash at their place and would get a ride to the bus depot the next day. And I'm happy to say that that's exactly what happened!

So we went to this place called Quality Time, which sounds about as gay as you can get, but it was really just a townie hangout, complete with NASCAR posters and a car hood with the Coors Light logo painted on it nailed to the ceiling. But that's not to say it was a bad place in any way. It was pretty decent, and had dart boards, so it was okay in my book.

What it also had was a batshit insane bartender! Or, well, maybe she was just a little loopy, I dunno. She seemed to have an attention span that would last to about "Can I have a bottle of-" before she became distracted by some glittering object. The reason she seemed nuts is probably because she was one of those people who like to joke around but don't let anyone else know they're joking around. That is to say, nothing in her mannerisms or facial expressions gave away that she was joking around. So she would act weird or offended or something, and you're left staring at her for ten seconds until she realizes that you didn't get her joke and so she then looks at you like you're nuts.

Uh, okay, I guess I didn't get a chance to really get to know this person, I'm just saying she reminded me of the type of person I just described and...ehh...okay, never mind.

The point is, we played darts and got drunk! Or I did, anyway. And it was good. The band was good too, an Irish duo that sounded strangely like They Might Be Giants. Actually, they could have been They Might Be Giants and I wouldn't have noticed. But I guess they were Andrea's friend's sister's cousin's father-in-law's brother's uncle's dentist's friends, so I guess they probably wouldn't be They Might Be Giants. I have nothing to base that on, though. All celebrities gotta be related to someone, after all.

Anyway. Drove back to the house in the torrential rain that WON'T FUCKING STOP, farted around, then off to bed. And I had to say bye to them again today, which sucked. But it was good to at least have a drunken send off. And now I'm on the bus. The second bus, that is.

How was the first bus, you ask? Oh, thank you for your concern! It was quite shitty! Rather, the bus driver, who I will refer to as Rufus for lack of a better name, was shitty. Rufus stood there on his cell phone while he tore tickets, then waved people this way and that, as if we were annoying him. Then, when he finally got on the bus ten minutes late, he didn't do the customary "Welcome to Peter Pan Bus Lines, my name is Rufus and we'll be heading to New York and be there at 2:45. There is a restroom in the back, no smoking, don't talk too loud on your cell phones, do not remove tag from mattress, your mileage may vary, blah blah blah." thing that most bus drivers do. Not that that stuff is necessary, but he sure didn't give the impression that he enjoyed driving a bunch of smelly people on a bus for a bazillion hours a day. I mean, the nerve of some people, know what I mean?

Anyway, fine, he's a little antisocial. Whatever. But then Rufus' lack of customer service skills really had its time to shine when we got to New Haven. Apparently we were stopping so folks who were connecting to the Amtrak line could get off. But all Rufus said was, "This stop is for everyone continuing on from here on the-" and then he shut his intercom off and left the bus. This led to 90% of the people on the bus to get off and eventually figure out that they weren't supposed to. Watching Rufus from the bus window, it was clear that he didn't really care if there was no one on the bus when he got back on. I might be so bold as to say that Rufus was the most apathetic bus driver I have ever seen. But he wasn't finished with his ass sucking. Rufus still had to get us to New York, after all.

And he did, eventually, fifteen minutes late after a strange and convoluted bus ride through Harlem and about a thousand other various neighborhoods of New York City. We finally made it to the Port Authority, where everyone shambled off the bus and Rufus stood outside staring at some indeterminate point in space. I didn't realize until later that Rufus had also failed to give the good-bye speech, which included such precious information as "If you're continuing on to Baltimore, please go to Gate 74".

My ticket said "Boarding #9", which usually means Gate 9. But after having a smoke, calling Vani, and remember just how frickin' huge NYC is (and sorta wishing I had planned on staying for a couple of days, but oh well), I staggered up and down escalators trying to find Gate 9. The fact that my backpack weighs roughly the same amount as a Sherman Tank with an elephant strapped to the top made this journey quite fucking fantastically fun, and I recommend it for anyone who prays for death on an hourly basis. Anyway, my bus wasn't at Gate 9, and I had about fifteen minutes to figure out where it was in the mammoth collection of escalators and staircases that is the Port Authority. And I freely blame Rufus for all of it, even if some of it wasn't his fault. Damn you, Rufus!

In the end, though, I managed to get myself a cheeseburger and fries and make it to my bus with about a minute to spare. The bus was mostly empty, and our driver Carl was as nice as nice can be. We zoomed off out of New York, through New Jersey and Delaware, and finally to the Baltimore Travel Plaza, which is connected to a Best Western in what I can only refer to as a field of parking lots. Then Vani and Jay picked me up, and I was rearing to go sit on my ass for another half hour while we drove to their place, but I was sure happy to be there.

Posted by CosmoDNA at 03:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)